Skip to main content

Losing Hope

It's time to cry again. Why? Because I talked to my coworker about babies. His wife has epilepsy, and is on the same medication that I'm on for my bipolar disorder. And what did I find out today? They are waiting until she is weaned off this medication before they start TTC, because carbamazipine almost completely inhibits the body's ability to process folic acid. And pretty much everbody knows that folic acid during pregnancy is UBER important. If the baby doesn't get enough, they are at increased risk for spinal and mental birth defects. I already knew that I was going to have to go off my depression meds, but my bipolar meds keep me from going psycho. Hubs told me he never forgets to give me my pills because he remembers what I nightmare bitch I was before I was on them. Why do I have to deal with these problems? I'd like to go back in time, meet the person I was in a former life, and beat the living crap out of him/her, make them straighten up their lives so I don't have to deal with all this anymore. Wouldn't it be great if life was that easy? I'm deathly afraid of turning out like my mom - most days she can't get out of bed, even when she really wants to do something. I know that's the road I'm headed down.

So my point is for the safety of my unborn child, I'd have to stop taking my meds. At which point instead of just being a hormonal pregnant woman, I'd be a psychotic, potentially extremely depressed, hormonal woman. Fuck. I just wanted to be a mom. I'm getting to the point where I don't want that anymore. I don't want to subject a child to a life with a crazy mother, let alone subject them to all the potential birth defects and possible health conditions later in life - like all the shit I'm dealing with now. So I can adopt and just subject the child to a crazy mother, or live child-free. I don't think Hubs would stay with me if I decided that I didn't want kids anymore.
Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Food Allergy Test Results

I was in for a surprise when I got my food allergy test results this past Wednesday. For the few days prior, my thoughts were wrought with fear that I may be allergic to garlic or nuts. I even started designing my garlic and nut super-villain tattoos. Thankfully those weren't on my list. The shock came with the 29 other items on my list! Moderate allergies Baker’s and brewer's yeast Pineapple Vanilla White mushroom Sensitivities Broccoli Buttermilk Carrots Casein Celery Cilantro Cinnamon Cod Dates Iceberg lettuce Kiwi Lamb Millet Onion Oregano Parsley Plum Potato Raspberry Rosemary Sage Strawberry Swiss cheese Turkey I was upset to see so many yummy foods on the list, including my go-to meat, turkey, and some of my usual spices. I was glad to see celery and onions, though. I’ve detested them for years and I always get laughed at for hating onions. Now I have a legitimate reason for hating them! I can live with this list. Well, I...
6 comments
Wait? There's more? >>

Diet and School updates

Dietary Change update: It's been about a month and a half now since I went vegetarian. It has been so easy for me. I really thought it was going to be hard, but I don't even miss meat that much. I'd be losing weight if I stopped eating peanut butter m&ms. I ran out of those last night and don't plan on asking Hubs to buy me any more. I hope to start seeing some weight disappear then. Thanksgiving has been the first holiday since I made this change, and I figured I might cheat and eat a little turkey. But Dad said that he's making a ham instead, and I hate ham, so it's a win-win situation! I'm making my usual from scratch green bean casserole - yum! School update: I finished my Anatomy and Physiology course with a final grade of 96. Woohoo! I've started my next class, Natural Heath and Nutrition. It focuses on the foods we eat that are beneficial for us and I'm really excited to learn more. This is exactly why I wanted to study nutrition! I ...
Post a Comment
Wait? There's more? >>

What's Your Song? Thursday - Aug 18, 2011

Stressed out this week. Busy and exhausted. I've been singing Annie to keep myself happy. I like this video, because it's so interesting to see how Annie was cast over the years in various countries. Enjoy! Join the link-up at Amber's blog and checl out her giveaway!
4 comments
Wait? There's more? >>