Skip to main content

Losing Hope

It's time to cry again. Why? Because I talked to my coworker about babies. His wife has epilepsy, and is on the same medication that I'm on for my bipolar disorder. And what did I find out today? They are waiting until she is weaned off this medication before they start TTC, because carbamazipine almost completely inhibits the body's ability to process folic acid. And pretty much everbody knows that folic acid during pregnancy is UBER important. If the baby doesn't get enough, they are at increased risk for spinal and mental birth defects. I already knew that I was going to have to go off my depression meds, but my bipolar meds keep me from going psycho. Hubs told me he never forgets to give me my pills because he remembers what I nightmare bitch I was before I was on them. Why do I have to deal with these problems? I'd like to go back in time, meet the person I was in a former life, and beat the living crap out of him/her, make them straighten up their lives so I don't have to deal with all this anymore. Wouldn't it be great if life was that easy? I'm deathly afraid of turning out like my mom - most days she can't get out of bed, even when she really wants to do something. I know that's the road I'm headed down.

So my point is for the safety of my unborn child, I'd have to stop taking my meds. At which point instead of just being a hormonal pregnant woman, I'd be a psychotic, potentially extremely depressed, hormonal woman. Fuck. I just wanted to be a mom. I'm getting to the point where I don't want that anymore. I don't want to subject a child to a life with a crazy mother, let alone subject them to all the potential birth defects and possible health conditions later in life - like all the shit I'm dealing with now. So I can adopt and just subject the child to a crazy mother, or live child-free. I don't think Hubs would stay with me if I decided that I didn't want kids anymore.
Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Cortisol and Leptin...

Photo credit I feel so run down. I felt like this most of last week, and ended up taking 3 days off work due to it. This weekend was better - We went to Houston. We spent several hours enjoying the Downtown Aquarium on Saturday, and I enjoyed my PCOS symposium on Sunday. But as soon as I got in the car to head home, this feeling came back. It was so bad that I tossed my cookies less than an hour after we got on the road. This was definitely not from being car sick. I don't get car sick. I was tired all evening, had stupid issues with my homework, and finally went to be at 2-2:30. I realize that was late, and it could explain why I'm tired, but it doesn't explain the run-down, crappy feeling. I got plenty of sleep last week and still felt this way. I think it could be a cortisol issue. I have high cortisol levels. I know I haven't checked with a doctor, but from the information I received at the PCOS symposium, as well as years of research, it fits. I did some more re...
Post a Comment
Wait? There's more? >>

My First Giveaway!

My last post was about my decision to start a bakery. I'm very excited about it, and have been getting some fantastic reviews from my taste testers! My menu is small right now, but I am continually working on new recipes to expand it. I'm currently attempting to make a really good gluten free sandwich bread that doesn't have corn, potato, white rice, or soy in it. I hope to have it done by opening day, Nov 1. I know it's weird to open on a Tuesday, but I plan to be very busy celebrating our 2 year wedding anniversary on Halloween by scaring little kids :) I figured one of the best ways to advertise the bakery was to have a blog giveaway. So that's exactly what I'm doing! One lucky reader will receive a $20 gift certificate to I Can't Believe It's Good For Me. The giveaway is open until midnight, Oct. 31. The winner will be chosen by random.org and announced on Nov 1. Here are the rules: 1 - You must complete the mandatory entry. 2 - Post each entr...
Post a Comment
Wait? There's more? >>

Spend a few moments Happifying your life!

Several months ago I was given the opportunity to beta test a new program called Happify . It's designed to help you become happier with your life, and has plenty of studies to back up their science. I've been using it, although not as faithfully as I should. But I really have enjoyed testing out a lot of the different tracks to choose from. This week,   Happify  ent out of beta testing and is now open to the public. There are a lot of free tracks you can choose from, as well as some others you can get by upgrading to a paid membership. I recommend   Happify  o everyone I know that needs a little pick me up from day to day. It has been helping me find my way towards satisfaction with myself and my life the way it is. It has also helped me to expand my horizons and learn how to be even happier. It's a great program. Currently I'm working on the paid track 'Get Motivated to Get Fit'. Right now it's exactly what I need - a way to focus on my health without ...
Post a Comment
Wait? There's more? >>