When I was in middle school, I had a poster of a sad little puppy that said 'Why do they only remember when I'm bad?'. I'm kicking myself for just now realizing that I was pessimistic even way back then - which is a pretty sad realization. I looked at the glass as half-empty at 12. Holy shit. I guess watching my mother turn into a lifeless lump of skin after my dad left really did screw me up. Of course it doesn't help that I am turning out more and more like my mother every day.
But anyways - my current line of thinking (likely solely due to it being 5:30am and I'm not asleep yet) is that I can stop being pessimistic by forcing myself to remember the good things that happen. Or maybe I'm just going to start writing a list so I don't forget. Whatever.
Good things that happened recently:
1) I went back to my old job last week to see if I could start working again. The RA and fibro meds I'm on are helping to some extent, and obviously I've been able to start typing more. I figured I needed to test my fingers out in a professional environment - because I shouldn't even compare writing code to writing a blog. The most logical choice was to go back to the last company I worked for, since they already knew I had so many medical issues to deal with. Result? I'm back at work, part time, 3 half days a week. Oh, how I've missed closing the blinds in my office so I don't have to stare at the monstrosity that is the Cowboys' Stadium. My brother-in-law calls it the 'Giant Pimple'. (Ok, I kinda missed working, too.)
2) My wedding ring is on my damn finger. I almost cried tears of joy when I put it on. I hadn't tried to put it on recently because I didn't want to be disappointed. Hubs asked me a few nights ago if it fit again, so I tried it. Who knew that wearing this tiny piece of metal really meant so much to me? They are still too swollen to wear my engagement ring with it like I used to, but I am hopeful that will change in the near future. After i found out it fit, I spent 30 minutes scouring the office for my jewelry polishing cloth (the joys of having a silver ring). Gave up. Found it in bathroom cabinet 2 days later. *facepalm*
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| See, you can even tell my how wrinkly my knuckles are! The more wrinkly, the better! |
3) By noon Saturday, Spike will have his rabies shot and I can take him to the groomer. The poor thing needs a hair-cut so he can play outside longer. These 90+ degree days are hell, but I'm thankful that it's July and we haven't had official triple-digit weather yet.
4) We went over to a neighbor's for game/date night. We played dominoes and farkle and it was fun. Imagine that - I had fun! Fun can be such a foreign concept at times. Hubs has been upset lately that I don't want to go out, so I think that tonight made him happy.
5) I found Jenny Lawson, the Bloggess. That chick is awesome. She has made me laugh. She made Hubs laugh. She battles with depression and rheumatoid arthritis as well. She makes me remember that I have a sense of humor. I know I used to be funny, great with the witty comebacks. The PCOS brain fog really tried to screw that up - but I've been fighting back with DHA in food and pill form.
6) I finally made valance curtains for the living room and kitchen windows! I've had the fabric since we moved in almost 2 years ago, but never got around to it - until now!!! They were super simple, and they are so pretty. I love them and don't think I could bought better curtains.
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I think that's a pretty damn good list for just a little over a week. And now that this list is done, I'm onto the next one. 'Cheap shit we want but won't get for ourselves anytime soon'.
I LOVE the kitchen valance!!! I may have to copy the general idea as a topper for my living room curtains- they just don't look completely "finished" to me. Might be just the thing! I love your optimism list, please keep it up. I am so happy you have been able to go back to work some and that your swelling is getting better. Wonderful things :) Keep having fun, and keep me posted!
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