Skip to main content

Infertility in the real world

Today I'm irked. Let's talk about childlessness, again. Lately there have been more and more celebrities coming out as infertile, begging people to stop asking about when a couple is going to have kids. At first I was really excited, because it takes celebrities to get awareness these days. Of course, this all changed when I read today that Chrissy Teagan and John Legend are expecting. Less than a month ago, she was telling people to stop asking, and now she's pregnant. So it's pretty likely that she was already pregnant, but keeping it a secret at that time. How the heck does that help spread awareness about infertility?

If anything, it shows that people don't want to talk about something they are fighting through until they have beaten the odds. As a fully-fledged member of the Childless Not By Choice club, this really pisses me off. We don't get to "overcome" childlessness. This is a forever deal. We don't get to "relax and it will happen." We don't get to "just keep trying." We are stuck as outsiders - those people who don't understand real life or true love because we can't have kids. Oh, that "true love" shit pisses me off too. I can't tell you how many times I've seen stupid posts on facebook about how being a mother is the best thing in the world, and that you haven't really known love until you had a child of your own. Seriously? Most people don't realize or are completely unaware that some of the things they say can really hurt others. I know this sounds like a case of #butthurt, but really? The true love comments essentially condemn childless men and women to a life of less love. We're told that we aren't worth true love because we are unable to have kids - no matter what the reason. I could have 15 nieces and nephews that love me more than their mother, but I don't know true love. I could be married to my soul mate, but I don't know true love. I had a step-son that started calling me mom before his own mother, but I don't know true love. See how shitty that one true love comment becomes?

I could curse the person responsible every day for being the reason my husband can't have kids. I could also attempt to cheat on my husband to get pregnant. He wouldn't care - because he'd finally be a father. That's how desperate some people are to start a family. We are looked down upon because we have no offspring. We have been told by adoption agencies that a stay-at-home father looks like a child molester in the making. I have been told that because I'm depressed (partially because of not being a mom) and bipolar, that I can't adopt. We've been told that because we use mobility aids, we can't adopt. We've been told that because we aren't Christian, we can't adopt. Yes, I realize that that there are ways around this. We don't have to use an adoption agency to adopt. But we have to find someone willing to give up their child. We could try in-vitro fertilization, if I got someone else's sperm and the $10-20k per attempt to get pregnant. Some people can foster, and I admire them. We can't do that, for a lot of the same reasons that we can't adopt. At this moment, and for the foreseeable future, our childlessness is guaranteed. Maybe we'll come into a windfall of money in the future and be able to have kids then. Maybe. Maybe.

I'm so sick of the "Don't give up hope" comments too. What hope is there for us? There are hundreds of people in the childless groups I'm in that really, truly deserve to be parents. They didn't give up hope until there was no hope left to give. When menopause set in, cancer forced a hysterectomy, IVF didn't work, life didn't go as planned.... The list goes on. No, I'm not 30 yet. I could have 15 more years to try and get pregnant. There might be a tiny chance that life changes and we somehow manage to have children. And at that point in my life, I'll remember how painful it was to be told that I wasn't worth life because I wasn't a mom. That I didn't matter because I didn't raise a child. And I won't say non-mothers don't understand true love. Because the love we have for the child that will never be can't compare to the love a mother has for her children. You get to see a physical manifestation of love. We can only dream of ours.

So when you look at your children, remember how lucky you are that you have them. There are millions of people all over the world that would give up everything to be a parent. We exist too.

Yes, I'm a little frustrated today, and I needed to vent.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

My First Giveaway!

My last post was about my decision to start a bakery. I'm very excited about it, and have been getting some fantastic reviews from my taste testers! My menu is small right now, but I am continually working on new recipes to expand it. I'm currently attempting to make a really good gluten free sandwich bread that doesn't have corn, potato, white rice, or soy in it. I hope to have it done by opening day, Nov 1. I know it's weird to open on a Tuesday, but I plan to be very busy celebrating our 2 year wedding anniversary on Halloween by scaring little kids :) I figured one of the best ways to advertise the bakery was to have a blog giveaway. So that's exactly what I'm doing! One lucky reader will receive a $20 gift certificate to I Can't Believe It's Good For Me. The giveaway is open until midnight, Oct. 31. The winner will be chosen by random.org and announced on Nov 1. Here are the rules: 1 - You must complete the mandatory entry. 2 - Post each entr...

Cortisol and Leptin...

Photo credit I feel so run down. I felt like this most of last week, and ended up taking 3 days off work due to it. This weekend was better - We went to Houston. We spent several hours enjoying the Downtown Aquarium on Saturday, and I enjoyed my PCOS symposium on Sunday. But as soon as I got in the car to head home, this feeling came back. It was so bad that I tossed my cookies less than an hour after we got on the road. This was definitely not from being car sick. I don't get car sick. I was tired all evening, had stupid issues with my homework, and finally went to be at 2-2:30. I realize that was late, and it could explain why I'm tired, but it doesn't explain the run-down, crappy feeling. I got plenty of sleep last week and still felt this way. I think it could be a cortisol issue. I have high cortisol levels. I know I haven't checked with a doctor, but from the information I received at the PCOS symposium, as well as years of research, it fits. I did some more re...

Spend a few moments Happifying your life!

Several months ago I was given the opportunity to beta test a new program called Happify . It's designed to help you become happier with your life, and has plenty of studies to back up their science. I've been using it, although not as faithfully as I should. But I really have enjoyed testing out a lot of the different tracks to choose from. This week,   Happify  ent out of beta testing and is now open to the public. There are a lot of free tracks you can choose from, as well as some others you can get by upgrading to a paid membership. I recommend   Happify  o everyone I know that needs a little pick me up from day to day. It has been helping me find my way towards satisfaction with myself and my life the way it is. It has also helped me to expand my horizons and learn how to be even happier. It's a great program. Currently I'm working on the paid track 'Get Motivated to Get Fit'. Right now it's exactly what I need - a way to focus on my health without ...